I wish I could have been more helpful. I could have reached my arms out to her, but I didn't fulfil my job as a friend. I have tried to pull her back up, but now I don't feel like I did everything to the best of my ability. When she said that she was fine, I knew in my heart that she wasn't. Why couldn't have I just done more?

I hate to see him sad, and I hate to see her go further down than she needs to be. I just feel like an absolute failure. Now the only question in my mind is . . .

What else can I do to screw things up?

I just don't know what is needed in my life for satisfaction. I don't know what it is that I want. I just don't know anything. Ignorance in this field of my life isn't exactly a good thing. I just want happiness in my life, as well as in the lives of the people around me. Even if I have to kill my happiness to make others happy, I will.

I hate my life right now. I have so many personal problems, along with relationship problems. My friends are all having problems about now and I just have to stand on the side lines and watch them screw themselves over. I can't do anything, for I don't know what to do. I feel so horrid inside. I don't have the will to encourage myself anymore. I try to save myself from this train of thought, but again, in that I have also failed.

L

Written on 14 October 2005 at 7:11 pm