If I were you, I wouldn't hold me too close. I can slip through fingers like a smoke and shadow ghost. I can fly higher than you'll ever think to look. Watch your step; I am heading, like a gypsy, for the door. I often wander away from anything worth staying for.

I am always looking for something more.

That's part of the problem. I always get what I want. But I assure you, I am not spoiled... I'm far from it. I've found a convenient way around that. The trick to not being spoiled is, even if you get everything that you want, you never get what you need.
Some days, I'm so empty that all I have to do is breath a diminutive breath and I drift off course. And then, there are days when I'm so full that I just want to run around screaming. Where I want to love and cry and taste and stretch out until I touch every part of the world. It’s so beautiful that it’s nearly a sin, and the only way to take it away is to give it all away. So I do. I spend pieces of myself like currency, and I do not, cannot stop until everyone around me has experienced some fragment of a manic daydream. Then, I'm empty, hollow, a negative vessel, until it starts again.

I am full of insistence for no particular cause, and in effect, I stand for nothing. Just to stand, and take up space, and be an itch in someone's palm. Those are my lofty goals.

Manifest Destiny. I wish I could manifest a destiny. Anything really. Anything but growing grey, in search of truths washed up from the deep, like a beach comber who follows storms.

But seriously . . . I wouldn't take me at my word.

L

Written on 16 October 2005 at 7:15 pm