I guess before now I hadn’t really processed what was happening, what had happened. Writing that it makes it seem like it was a huge deal, which in actual fact it probably wasn’t. I guess I did feel pretty upset, devastated actually. Not about what happened but more that no one bothered to tell me. That I was allowed to make a fool of myself. I guess I feel like a fool because I allowed myself to believe that he might like me back. I thought, at one point that he might but now looking back I think he was just being his usual self. I dared to believe, I lacked the courage, I was scared of rejection. So I did nothing and I lost the game because that’s what it is, just a game. People competing for the prize. I didn’t even realise, until it was too late, that I had competition. I thought that I could go at my own pace. I’d never done this before and I was scared, scared of rejection. Lacking in courage, nerve, bravery. I sure I’ll get over it, but not yet. I’m not ready to, not yet . . . L
Written on 28 September 2005 at 6:44 pm
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Quote of the moment:
Up where they walk. Up where they run. Up where they stay all day in the sun. Wanderin' free. Wish I could be. Part of that world