Gossip, my worst enemy and best friend. Everyone has been is such a situation, where you find truly what a person thinks of you. Using you . . . gossip . . . but you’ve also seen its brutal side which rips friendships and causes more torment than a bull with a see-thu red blind-fold.

Growing up sarcasim and humor were my only friends, they protected my from the monsters under my bed to the bully down the street. I had a hard time focusing, I was always thought to be the dumb one, I was more creative than normal kids and able to sit alone and be content. But now years later I’m not consider the dumb one anymore (at least I don’t think I am) and I don’t need humor and sarcasim to be my only friends anymore. I don’t have any brothers or sisters so it scares me sometimes to think what the seed that made me could also have made.

For some reason this feels enlightening, there are only two people I can truly open up to; a photo my my old dog Karn and my friend who lives in France. Rough? Not really, you learn to cope with situations, someone who looks at my life will probably think I’m in hell, but when I look at their life I think the same of them.

I’m pretty sure no one will ever actually read this, but it’s just what’s on my mind, strange and fucked up as it is but its what’s in my mind, even though at the moment it makes more sense up there, this release of text and motion or my fingers makes me happier.

I’ve started to think, what would the world be like without me? Obviously you can understand the tone of this situation, suicide. It’s not a common subject in the sense that it is fucked up and everyone is scared of it, but I think that to talk about subjects that you are scared of its good because then you start to loose your fear, no matter what the subject is.

So to whoever is reading this, if you are thinking hey this is filled with spelling and grammar mistakes, stuff you, I've just got home and I am out of hot chocolate so I ain’t proof-reading shit.

So just know everything will be wonderful.

L

Written on 27 September 2005 at 6:37 pm