Tap Dancer, I am.

My life seems to just drag on, and my days seem to be growing longer. It feels as if my day will never come to an end and when it does, I wish that I that I could relive it. There are those days that are memorable, and there are those that I never wish to remember. Today is just one of those days. One that I could have been perfectly content without living. I am just becoming so sick and tired of my mind being distorted, why can't things just reconcile and be at peace? The confusion in my mind is making all the good experiences throughout my life fog over to the point of complete invisibility. I have no apparent reason for confusion, on this occasion at least.

The repetitive rhythmic pattern of my words used to be intriguing even to my own self, now I can't even tell if they are mine being spoken. My very own words haunt me. When I speak they echo back to me and I don't recognize them. It's like I am looking in the mirror and I don't know the girl staring back at me.

The essence of who I am and who I was is indifferent, they show no conflict in comparison. Before they were distinctly unique, but now I see them as equal halves of a whole, me. I hate my old self and I wish to completely let go of my past, but I know that if I did then I would be throwing away a part of me. I can't go back to what I was, for I was nothing more than a bug on life's windshield. I enjoy the feeling of emotion, not numbness. I just can't allow myself to transform back into that monster that I used to be. I just don't know what to do right now, but I won't can't give in.

Written on 05 November 2005 at 8:13 pm

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Quote of the moment:
Up where they walk. Up where they run. Up where they stay all day in the sun. Wanderin' free. Wish I could be. Part of that world