My heavy heart has lifted some. I can feel my heartbeat pulsate throughout my chest once more. I hold my wrist and I can once again feel my pulse through my throbbing veins. It's comforting to know that my heart can still have an effect in my life, to know that it's still there, to know that it has just lain dormant for years.

It's such a great feeling to not be drugged off of my own ecstasy, the surreal life, the dreams I once had. It feels like while I slept, someone has injected me with a dose of reality. The vaccine is just starting to take effect. I could not feel the syringe penetrate my skin, but I know it must have been done for I would not feel so alive in such a short time span. I can't even find the puncture wound.

I am so glad my spirits have lifted. I'm happy. It's kind of weird to know that I can be joyful without having one apparent reason. I feel that I have many reasons but they are all underlined, nothing declared as official. I have never been so content being light hearted

L

Written on 31 October 2005 at 8:59 pm